Bills, Jets, and Jackson Pollock Paintings.

I poured my feelings all over a canvas after the game.

I poured my feelings all over a canvas after the game.

The Bills/Jets rivalry has been anything but storied. Stories and legends are about heroes coming up big in the clutch–think Paul Revere. But there is no such thing as a hero during Bills/Jets games.

Take for example last year, when the Jets managed to win 27-20, despite the fact they had a team record 20 penalties go against them. Neither Geno Smith or EJ Manuel saved the day. Another great example takes us all the way back to 2009, when Dick Jauron was still coach. The Bills won 16-13 in overtime, and Ryan Fitzparick valiantly failed his way upwards with 10/25 116 yards statline, while Mark Sanchez cowered his way to 5 interceptions. Those were two of many awful, heroless games, that don’t deserve to be told and retold in perpetuity.

I would argue, that Bills/Jets games are unfit for a Campbell-ian hero’s journey, and instead, are works of art, in the mould of Jackson Pollock paintings, only appreciated by those with an acquired taste for fine’r pieces of shit.

The following are five examples why this game belongs with all the other Jackson Pollocks the Bills and Jets have played over the years.

1. Kyle Orton threw four touchdowns.

Wait, what… how is that a bad thing? Yeah, that total sure looks good, but look a little deeper and you’ll notice Orton only completed 10 passes. And, you ask, “Well, they won, right? This isn’t a beauty pageant god dammit. It’s about putting w’s on the board!”

2. New York Jets committed 6 turnovers.

Yes the Bills did win, all thanks to Geno Smith, who managed to throw 3 interceptions by the middle of the first quarter.

3. The Bills score 20 points of off six turnovers.

Doug Marrone, in his press conference, thought this was an impressive number. Keep in mind that’s 20 of a possible 42.* Not to mention, the Bills offense benefited from four turnovers in the first half, yet couldn’t muster a first down on any of them.

4. The end of an era

Michael Vick capitalized on Smith’s turnovers more than the Bills did, netting himself a starting gig moving forward.*** Vick improved on Smith’s day, only committing 3 turnovers during 3 and a half quarters of play. The legend of Geno Smith will live on in infamy for its ineptitude and lack of poetry.

5. Correction: the end of an era(s)

I forgot that Smith’s departure signals another end of an era, though Rex Ryan’s inevitable end will be postponed by the NFL calendar.  Ryan will stay employed until the end of the season, so the Jets can position themselves to get a another quarterback to screw up in next year’s draft. But something tells me Ryan won’t be out of a job for long…

out of a footjob that is!

* Technically it should be 48, considering 2 pt conversions.

** And, don’t even try to suggest this is unnecessary criticism. The fact of the matter is, three of turnovers came in the red zone (one of the td’s was a turnover at the 1 yd line). When the Bills had to actually try to move the ball up the field, they didn’t do so well.

*** No official announcement yet, but like really?

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2 thoughts on “Bills, Jets, and Jackson Pollock Paintings.

  1. All of this is true and it makes me sad.

    Remember when everyone was saying Geno Smith was a steal? Well in typical Bills fashion we can’t celebrate victory on that one but we can revel in the failure of others!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Snow Tired Of Writing About The Bills | EMAILS FROM DOUG WHALEY

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