Ten bold predictions
*All predictions in bold for emphasis/cuz it’s funny—to me at least.
1. New England will rush for under 3 yards a carry, thus rendering their play action useless. Not to mention, forcing Brady to actually rely on throwing the football to try to win a game.
2. Jordan Devey already has been accused of being a virgin, but the bullying will not get better after the Bills game because Devey will be drawn and quartered outside Foxborough. #expatriate
3. Kyle Williams and Marcel Dareus will Bündchen Brady to death.
4. Tim Wright is the new Aaron Hernandez… but wont be against the Bills…
5. Gronk will make an amazing catch on a seem route, but then have his knees taken out by Leodis Mckelvin on—what the NFL deems is—a legal hit.
6. Tom Brady will yell at his outside receivers, but his slot guys will avoid his wrath.
7. Bill Belichick will inexplicably have an angry look on his face after the Bills are hosed on a series of penalties, each more bizarre than the last.
8. Sammy Watkins will catch at least one more terrible Kyle Orton pass. EJ Manuel will be wondering where those spectacular catches were for him.
9. Tom Brady will still be worshipped like a God like figure after the game, despite being outplayed by an uglier, less talented quarterback.
10. Controversial opinion: Tom Brady is better than Kyle Orton*, but Orton doesn’t have to face the Bills pass rush. Orton will stay upright and make it rain JD on the sideline for the second week in a row.
* I can’t single out one idiot member in particular because so many of these media types, who get paid to analyze the NFL, somehow thought an incredibly inane point like that is worth making.
11. I lied.
Bills win 27-13. In my mind, I won’t be surprised, but those “Brady is better than Orton” mother fuckers will be.