Not A Gambling Column–Week 2

Not A Gambling Column–Week 2

I went 9-7 last week a.k.a. a slightly above average season for an NFL team. After a decent start, I’m feeling I will pad that win total–lots of obvious home favourites this week.

This week’s picks:

Exactly.

Jets over New England. I will not pick New England at any point this season–even if they are an obvious home favourite.

Atlanta over St. Louis. Sam Bradford on the road, inside a loud dome. One of his poor receivers may die today going over-the-middle.

Buffalo over Carolina. It’s the battle of “the racist comparison scouting comparison,” a.k.a EJ Manuel vs. Cam Newton. I mean E.J. Manuel is fast, tall and good-looking, so he must be exactly like Cam Newton. Bills win at home after Marcell Dareus baits Steve Smith into chewing out Cam Newton on the field.

Chicago over Minnesota. Marc Trestman for coach of the year!

Dallas over Kansas City. Alex Smith and that Kansas City wind. It’s gonna look like the commercial below, but in a bad way.

Indianapolis over Miami. I just don’t trust Ryan Tannehill’s taste in women abilities enough to pick him on the road.

Baltimore over Cleveland. Baltimore gets their home opener a week late. Thanks a lot Peter Angelos.

Houston over Tennessee. Jake Locker on the road. LOLOLOLOL.

Green Bay over Washington. Clay Matthews will sack RG3 and pretend he’s as fast as he was last year. Hey, if Dom Capers was my defensive coordinator, I would lie to myself too.

Philadelphia over San Diego. I’ve been going around telling people I liked Chip Kelly before he got famous, like he is Vampire Weekend, or some shit.

Surprisingly, I couldn’t find a picture of Vampire Weekend and Chip Kelly together.

Arizona over Detroit. Carson Palmer throws another 2 td’s into triple coverage to Larry Fitzgerald, because it’s the responsible thing to do.

New Orleans over Tampa Bay. Bold prediction: Greg Schiano will be the first coach fired this season.

Oakland over Jacksonville. Terrelle Pryor leads the NFL in rushing after this week.

Denver over NY Giants. I don’t feel good about this prediction. Something about the NY Giants being down and out thing just brings back old memories.

Seattle over San Fran. Just because they are at home. If this was in San Fran…

Cincinnatti over Pittsburgh. I just can’t pick a team that’s offensive coordinator is Todd Haley. At least, when he isn’t coaching an offense lead by a young Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin.

Update: 12-4 baby! 

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