I present to you my weekly picks column. I’m not sure why I have a weekly picks column, considering I have no interest in gambling, but I felt it was apropos. So here goes nothing.
Denver over Baltimore.
Technically this game occurred already. So you’re gonna have to trust me that I picked Denver. Do you trust me?
Buffalo over New England
Don’t Stop BILLieving.
Chicago over Cincinnati
Jay Cutler finally steps out from under the shadows of Jay Cutler, champion body builder this year. It all starts today with a win over the Bengals.
Cleveland over Miami
Weeden! Tannehill! The battle of “Wish we took Russell Wilson instead.”
New Orleans over Atlanta
Sean Payton looks
like Frankie Muniz angry.
Tampa Bay over NY Jets
I don’t like either of these teams. I went with Tampa because… I’m not sure actually.
Pittsburgh over Tennessee
I don’t see a single ten on the Titans roster.
Detroit over Minnesota
The battle of the cyborgs goes to Calvin Johnson.
Indy over Oakland
Good Luck this year Oakland.
Carolina over Seattle
Upset special. West coast team travelling eastward.
Jacksonville over Kansas City
Blaine Gabbert sucks. So does Alex Smith
Arizona over St. Louis
Carson Palmer begins his Kurt Warner homage.
San Francisco over Green Bay
Harbaugh vs. McCarthy never seems fair.
Dallas over NY Giants
Dez Bryant keeps his knuckle in bounds.
Philly over Washington Stupid White Men
Chip Kelly goes from indie label darling to major label success story.
Houston over San Diego
The final game of the week is also the least interesting.
Update: 9-7 so far.