In 2000 I took the first cautious step toward football fandom when I made the mistake of tying my joy to the New York Jets. There are two rules of NY fandom, you either support the Yankees, Giants, Knicks and Rangers: these people are called “assholes”. Or you support the Mets, Jets, Nets and Islanders: these people are called “Jews”. As I am of the Semitic persuasion it was pretty easy. (Ed. Note: If that’s the case, I have no idea how the entire Buffalo Bills fanbase isn’t Jewish).
What’s your ace in the hole that proves your fandom?
I was in New York City the weekend that Hurricane Sandy hit to go see the Dolphins take on the Jets at my first ever live NFL game (the Jets lost 30 to 9 that day…I stayed until the final whistle). Air Canada offered to fly me home early and put me on a new flight if I wanted given the threatening storm. No force of nature is going to stop me from seeing my farce of a football team. Also, like any real fan, I completely hate my team, AND myself, for having this obsession.
Mark Sanchez or Geno Smith?
Sweet Jesus no. I feel so dirty having to make this choice; but I’m going to go with Sanchez. The devil you know vs. the devil who gives up a safety. (Ed. Note: Butt fumble vs. the safety. Who wins?)
Describe to me your thought process from the time the Jets drafted Geno Smith to the time the Jets released Tebow.
Remember, at one point in this off season the New York Jets had 6 (!!!!!) QB’s on their roster. Mark Sanchez, David Gerard (why?), Greg McElroy, Matt Simms, Tim Tebow and Geno Smith, so the thought process was mostly about the slightly overdone nature of this team. Now, it wasn’t as bad as all that because a) we all knew that Tebow was despised by Rex Ryan and it was only a matter of time before he was sent packing, and b) there is no b. There is no logic to what the Jets do. Frankly, over the last decade this team has made such crazy choices, been so devoid of a league wide star (I dare say that last one was in 1969 when Namath won them the Super Bowl), (Ed. Note: Even Namath wasn’t good: 173 tds vs. 220. Jim Kelly, now that was a real quarterback! ) and just arbitrarily careening through the NFL universe that you cannot have a thought process about them. I had genuinely expected Sanchez to be the starter and that Smith would “learn” from him for the next two years. It’s not too surprising then, given Jets luck, that Sanchez got injured and that a completely unprepared Geno Smith will be under centre for the first game. With a 35.7% pass completion rate, this is going to be one hell of a game. At least the Bucs don’t have a superstar corner who is intimately familiar with the Jet’s playbook.
What’s your favourite Jets drinking game? Last year mine was, “take a shot every time Sanchez completes a pass to someone you’ve never heard of.”
AHAH! There’s the rub in your game…Sanchez COMPLETES a pass. My favourite Jets drinking game was “take a shot every time Sanchez throws an interception. If your tears water down your drink, drink twice.”
Can you see Mark Sanchez succeeding outside of New York?
If Mark Sanchez puts his mind to it, he can achieve anything. Perhaps he could be a post man in Deluth. Most of your packages would make it to your front porch. Or maybe a Kindergarten teacher in San Francisco, none of the kids would listen to him, but he could still do it. I genuinely don’t know that he could be a success outside of New York. There are some fundamental skill issues that need to be fixed before he would be wanted by others. He better hope that Geno doesn’t do all that well, or Mr. Sanchez will be looking to be a back-up in Kansas City.
Is Rex Ryan better fat?
Yes. Oddly enough, Rex was hungrier then. “Let’s go eat a god damned snack”
If you could have one rival NFL player dissappear Jimmy Hoffa style, who would it be?
Is it way too obvious for me to go with Tom Brady? (Ed. Note: Fucking finally. Thank fucking god. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I wrote up this question hoping everyone would answer Tom Brady. I can’t believe it took this long. What the fuck is wrong with everyone, except Gavin?)
Any self-respecting fan of a team, not including Patriots fans because they have no self-respect, usually would feel nervous about their team, regardless of how good they are. What makes you nervous as a jets Fan?
Well, the report by ESPN that predicted that the Jets would be the worst team up until 2016 did not make my day better today. Also, the talk about the Jets getting Jadeveon Clowney in the draft (yes, they haven’t played a game and the pros are talking draft position already!) is making me a little uncomfortable. Right now it’s just offense. And defense that’s making me nervous. Also, if they could tighten up their special teams I’d be happy. (Ed. Note: How’s their long snapper? )
What about the opposite? What makes you irrationally optimistic about the upcoming season?
I think that it’s fair to say that, as a Jets fan in 2013, I have no right to be optimistic about anything. (Ed. Note: I feel ya brother.) Having said that, I’m really looking forward to seeing what Geno Smith is capable of. Preseason is preseason and there could always be some surprises.
What’s your prediction for the season?
Oy, this is painful…with a 6 – 10 record last year and 8 – 8 the year before that (need I remind you that they made two AFC Championship Playoff Runs…) I have to honestly say that 4 – 12 is hopeful and a 6 – 10 repeat is a dream come true.