Yup, These Are My Friends–Giants Season Preview

Yup, These Are My Friends–Giants Season Preview

Welcome to the second of a series of posts on my friends’ favourite teams (here is the first one just in case you missed it). Most of my friends don’t share my penchant for masochism–I’m a Bills fan— and thusly have chosen their favourite teams far more wisely. As a celebration of their superior vintage, I bring to you their thoughts on their favourite teams upcoming seasons.

Today we have Christen Cole, Giants fan.


When did you first realize you were a Giants fan?

When I saw a picture of Eli Manning looking adorably stupid and excited. He’s a little sibling who’s just trying to impress his Dad. I identify.

What’s your ace in the hole that proves your fandom? 

I wrote my M.A. thesis on the NFL. (Ed. Note: Titled “In Order To Form A More Perfect Man: Hegemonic Masculinity In American Professional Football.” A nice light read.) Also, I have a stuffed Eli doll. He sits on my bed. I don’t do anything weird with him.

How much does the Snoopy Bowl matter to you on a scale of 1 being Gandhi 10 being Machiavelli?

The Snoopy Bowl is the most important of the pre-season games. It establishes the roommate dominance for the year. With that said, the score doesn’t matter. This year we lost – but we got to show off our consistent QB, and our sane (ish) coach and remind everyone that the Jets are still just renting space in Giants stadium. (I don’t care if they built a new one and gave it a fancy corporate name, it’s always going to be Giants stadium to me and most of the tri-state area) The Jets showed us that once again they don’t have a starting QB on the roster and their head coach talked to himself at the post-game press conference. To answer your question more directly: it’s a 4 – Mike Bloomberg. 

Eli Manning or Victor Cruz?

Eli Manning. See above.

Christen entered her dog Harry–named after the orgasm in a diner movie–in a fan dogs of the NFL contest. Sadly, he wasn’t picked. Feel free to send your hate mail to Roger Goodell.

Describe your thought process from the beginning of the Victor Cruz negotiations to the moment he signed his contract.

Anger – how could he be doing this to us, his loyal Big Blue Nation? We love him! I have salsa danced in public because of him. (Ed. Note: Pics, or it didn’t happen.) He can’t leave the team. Followed by the anger that Giants management wouldn’t give him whatever he wanted. He’s a marketing land mine, and he’s not too bad at catching footballs. They should have been thrilled to have the chance to keep him. When the news of his one year contract broke I was relieved, but still disappointed that they hadn’t ben able to work out something better for long-term. When the final contract was announced I was thrilled. He is an ideal marquee player and it would deeply pain me to see him salsa in another uniform.

If you could have one rival NFL player disappear Jimmy Hoffa style, who would it be?

As human being with a vagina I would have to say Ben Roethlisberger. As a Giants fan I would have to say RGIII he’s the biggest threat to our play off spot if he stays healthy. (Ed. Note: Yeah, I get the whole feminist thing, but I’m dissappointed it’s not Tom F’in Brady!)

Any self-respecting fan (excluding Patriots fans since they have no self-respect) usually feels nervous about their team, regardless of how good they are. What makes you nervous about the New York Giants this year?

A lot of things. One, I worry our running game is still lack lustre. With the injury of Andre Brown (again!) last night we will be relying on David Wilson a lot. I have high hopes for him but he will likely be our only strong man on the ground and that concerns me. I miss the heady days of Brandon Jacobs in his prime.

I also worry about our defence. Osi has go to Atlanta leaving us with the always joyful Justin Tuck and JPP – who seems to be injury prone. I think this is a watch see. Though I haven’t been heartened by the D in pre-season play.

What about the opposite? What makes you irrationally optimistic about the upcoming season?

It’s the same thing every season – Eli Manning. Not to beat a dead horse but the man really is an elite QB. He comes through when we need him.

Show me where (s)he touched you on the doll.

Show me where (s)he touched you on this doll.

What’s your prediction for the season?

9-7. Again.

I’m more optimistic for our playoff hopes this year. Not because I think the team has improved (it hasn’t) but because I think the NFC East is going to suck worse this year. (Ed. Note: Get ready for some CHIP KELLY!!!$%#%@!!!!) With good luck on our side RGIII will be returning to Operation Patience with in the first half of opening week. (Cousins, ideally, will remain hurt and Rex Grossman will come to the helm of that racist sinking ship) The Eagles still are lead by Vick and I hesitate to believe even Chip Kelly can turn the team around in just one season. (Ed. Note: Jump on the bandwagon while you still can!) The Cowboys are still the Cowboys and I suspect they will pose the biggest threat to us this season. But again, I’m optimistic because of Tony Romo and Jerry Jones.


10 thoughts on “Yup, These Are My Friends–Giants Season Preview

  1. Pingback: Yup, These Are My Friends–Patriots Edition | Emails From Doug Whaley

  2. Pingback: Yup, These Are My Friends–Steelers Edition | Emails From Doug Whaley

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