Tim Tebow: Universal Soldier

Tim Tebow: Universal Soldier
DolphLundgrenTebowing

Holding up a gun in this manner will be the new “Tebow’ing.”

The New England Patriots did a very New England Patriots thing today by signing Tim Tebow. The move is hardly surprising. I did kinda, sort of predict it. But really it’s because the Patriots have a history of signing big name players with hopes of indoctrinating them into their cult system.

Over the years this strategy has had polarizing results. For every Corey Dilon and Randy Moss, theire has been a Chad Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth. But this time they have themselves a doozy because Tim Tebow is ideally suited for brainwashing. Of course there is a catch: can Belicheck and God co-exist? Probably not. Unfortunately, in a ‘what have you done for me lately world,’  I wouldn’t bet against Belichek brainwashing Tebow into some sort of Universal Soldier style mercenary, bereft of Christianity and all of its ancillary morals.

Here are some links. Some about Tebow. And, others not so much.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000209946/article/bill-belichick-report-that-i-hate-tim-tebow-untrue

Bill Belichek claims that any report that states that “he hates Tim Tebow is irresponsible.” He’s right it is irresponsible–just like releasing a defensive tackle who was diagnosed with diabetes.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000210092/article/john-harbaugh-courtney-upshaw-eats-too-much

I wonder if Bill Belichek was upset about his defensive tackle overeating to stay in ‘game shape,’ before he was diagnosed with diabetes.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000210096/article/seattle-seahawks-say-no-thanks-to-hard-knocks

Teams tend to shy away from the HBO reality show for fear of it being a distraction. However, teams that have been featured on Hard Knocks have had winning records 4 out of the 7 seasons of the show. That stat is even more telling upon realizing one of the losing seasons featured a Chiefs team quarterbacked by Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle. I, for one, would support a Buffalo Bills Hard Knocks because they have veterans like Kevin Kolb and Tarvaris Jackson. Err, ahh, on second thought…

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000210090/article/brett-favre-on-breakup-with-packers-i-was-at-fault

Brett Favre will do anything to keep the media’s attention–even apologize!

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap1000000210473/article/chad-johnson-headed-to-jail-for-30-days-after-butt-slap

My Bay Street Lawyer sent me a link to this. According to her, this happens to male lawyers more often than you think. To my delight, the story of Chad Johnson’s probation violation adds another layer to the patriarchal dividend.

***

Before you go, make sure you check out this clip of future Buffalo Bills starting quarterback E.J. Manuel. Manuel gets hot and heavy with his football team during a pregame speech. After I sent this clip to TMI exec Sam Kalpouzos,  she told me with bated breath, “I’m not gonna lie, that kinda turned me on.”

Related posts:

Mario Williams Regrets Putting A Ring On It

Uglier Side Of The NFL

Von Miller Is A Chick Magnate

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