GMails From Doug Whaley

GMails From Doug Whaley

“Nah, I’m not into any of that weird shit. Lately I’ve been feelin’ Kayden Kross, she’s alright. But I usually kick it old school with some Jameson, Canyon, you know the real shit.”

The Bills made it official today: former assistant GM Doug Whaley has taken over the GM reigns from Buddy Nix–who “resigned” and/or was strongly encouraged to golf instead of fuck up NFL drafts. This is great news to me. I was worried about my blog name for various reasons: Is the name too uncatchy? Too incredibly obscure? Will Doug Whaley ever actually become the GM? Those worries have been squelched–mostly. Thanks to Whaley becoming GM, my name is now far less obscure. However no amount of SEO will make my blog name roll off the tongue. But I digress.

The announcement of Doug Whaley’s appointment came three days after Buddy Nix’s announcement. Initially President/CEO/renaissance man Russ Brandon intimated that an announcement about who was taking over the position was not coming “in the very near future.” Journalists/fans/fledgling bloggers alike were unsure of what exactly this meant. From now on to avoid confusion “not in the very near future” will mean approximately three days.

In between those three days that the Bills operated without a GM they made a roster move. The Bills picked up an unremarkable tight end off waivers that I wont even bother mentioning and released an undrafted free agent slot receiver whom will also remain unnamed. This is hardly a franchise defining move, but rather curious that it occurred without a GM. The Bills clearly have a new-found flair for the dramatic–Ghost GM, a new starring vehicle for Matthew McConaughey?–which I can’t complain about, since I got two posts out of their decision to stagger these announcements.


I can’t help but analogize Doug Whaley with Toronto Blue Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos. I feel like Damien Cox, connecting two completely separate things in a very threadbare sort-of-way. Regardless, I feel compelled to share a sloppy analogy with you.

The differences between the two young bucks are pretty obvious. Anthopoulos took over for a GM who was clearly fired, Doug Whaley didn’t start in the mail room and Anthopoulos never got caught sending sent porn via email, etc. The main similarity between the two worth noting is that both managed to be the assistant GM of a poorly performing franchise, yet somehow managed to disassociate themselves from the struggles of their bosses. Anthopoulos started off hot procuring an impressive array of young talent but his results since then have been questionable at best. This isn’t the part where I “pull a Cox” and make a grandiose connection in attempt to give you a glorified Tarot card answer to how a GM will perform in a future. Instead as a fan of the Jays and the Bills, I’m just hoping Whaley fairs a whole lot better than Anthopoulos has so far.


That’s it for now. Please subscribe to the blog so I can feel like watching four Super Bowl losses was worth it.

P.S. I worry we will never find out the contents of Doug Whaley’s email.

Related posts:

Buddy Nix Is Fixated On E.J. Manuel’s Size

Buddy Nix-ed

Yup, these are my–experts.


4 thoughts on “GMails From Doug Whaley

  1. Ghost GM would be a great Lincoln Lawyer sequel.
    Also, you appear to have a great and terrible power to shape the nature of the universe.


  2. Pingback: Best Looking Player Available | Emails From Doug Whaley

  3. Pingback: Jim Kelly Diagnosed With Cancer | Emails From Doug Whaley

  4. Pingback: Yup, These Are My Friends–Bills Edition? | Emails From Doug Whaley

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